Mixed Media Artist

Out Of The Woods- In Progress


8″x12″ (this painting is in progress)

When you have a seven year old and you say you are out of the woods it means they sleep in their own bed at night or have decided that vegetables really aren’t that bad. Hardly woods, more like shrubs or container plants.

Sometimes I loose my mind about those little things that seem even to trivial to write down. It make me wonder how I will ever survive dealing with big problems, serious issues. A Teenager. Or two. Sometimes I think I loose my mind about those little things now because I am somehow trying to prepare myself for future woods. If I loose my mind over this, surely they will be to scared to do anything really bad when they are older. Ha. Like that is going work!

I don’t think that Imogen is the only one going through this seven year itch. I feel itchy too. She is scared about being seven and she doesn’t want to go into grade two. I am scared that my parenting and lack of patience is going to make my kids want to run from me the first chance they get.

I have to be honest, I have been going through a huge struggle lately but I am finally feeling like I am coming out of the woods. A calm has come over me triggered by these fears. I am taking control of the energy in this house, because really, I control it. When I am upset of cranky, everyone else seems to be to. They all seem to feed off of my energy.

Today I held my seven year old like a baby and she didn’t resist. She welcomed it. She still needs her mommy. So why am I resisting it? If she needs to sleep in our bed while she goes through this, then so be it.

And , perhaps 6 years will make me wiser.

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6 responses

  1. Maria, for just a couple more weeks she has some remnants of herself as a baby. The lifespan of a human cell is roughly 7 years. And that is it. I know I have spoken about this seven year change and how huge it is but it is quite simply explained by this fact. This shift is more than some mysterious emotional landscape that is forever difficult to manage. It is all that too but it is also about the remmants of her infancy slowly being replaced by the new cells of her life as a fully realized child. These new cells have a lot of figuring out to do. They were not formed in the comfort and security of the mother’s womb. So hold her like a baby while she still lingers in that place that feels so familiar.

    And of course it is about you too. Because for a few more weeks you will carry the remaining cells of yourself as a maiden. You too have regenerated entirely new cells and every single one of those new cells has been created by yourself as a mother. And so you really are nearly out of the woods. Those woods being the fog of living as two people at once. As maiden and mother in varying degrees of transformation over the last seven years. Those are some serious woods. Not shrubs. Be gentle with yourself and do not dismiss the struggle of this incredible journey.

    Socrates said “A life unexamined is not worth living.” I don’t know if this is true, but it is certainly less worth living. Keep writing and examining and painting and perhaps suffering a little because in all of that reflection you will find your truth and that will is where your answers lie.

    June 8, 2010 at 6:31 am

  2. Very nice work!

    June 8, 2010 at 10:49 am

  3. Going through my Inbox right before your post I read this in Garrison Keillor’s daily Writer’s Almanac, Lost Childhood by David Ignatow:

    How was it possible, I a father
    yet a child of my father? I
    grew panicky and thought
    of running away but knew
    I would be scorned for it
    by my father. I stood
    and listened to myself
    being called Dad.

    How ridiculous it sounded,
    but in front of me, asking
    for attention—how could I,
    a child, ignore this child’s plea?
    I lifted him into my arms
    and hugged him as I would have
    wanted my father to hug me,
    and it was as though satisfying
    my own lost childhood.

    Maria, I love your honest yet poetic sharing. You are a strong adult and mother but also attuned to your child self, even as you raise you daughters.

    June 8, 2010 at 11:32 am

  4. Shelly

    Beautiful…liquifying old memories through tears of remembrance….not unlike the insides of a cocoon liquified and reassembled through imaginal cells (there really is such a cell) to become a breath-taking butterfly!

    The wonderful thing about being an artist is that the more challenging the problems become as your children grow up, the more creative you can get with your solutions! Art is problem solving, as is raising kids. If something isn’t working, try a different approach. And stay in the moment. It’s all about the process…and using your imagination!

    I love the introspective comments from Trish and Sarah which reaffirm that you are not alone in what you are experiencing. We have all been or will be in that same place in some form or other, although we may each have taken a different route of getting there.

    June 8, 2010 at 7:31 pm

  5. I am overwhelmed by these comments. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
    Maria

    June 8, 2010 at 7:57 pm

  6. speaking from my experience with your cousins Maria, hold onto you paints and heart, some rocky times ahead of you and your girls but they always, yes always need their mom even when they are in their twenties, and love is all around you with your parents, sister, cousins and Aunty and Uncle, great times ahead and many more wonderful paintings of life to come

    luv ya loads

    Aunty Pat

    June 13, 2010 at 7:26 pm

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