Mixed Media Artist

What We May Be

What-We-May-Be'

6″x21.25″ mixed media painting on rag paper. There is a .25″ border around the painting. This painting will need to be matted and framed by you.

We know what we are, but we know not what we may be.

William Shakespeare

Any thing is possible. That is what I always tell my kids. If you can dream it, you can do it.

Positive? Yes.

Optimistic? Yes.

Ironic, as I am not exactly an optimist.I am a moody, melancholic neurotic … on a good day.  I put beautiful things out into the world because I need to make myself focus on beauty. People often tell me how prolific I am. That is because I have to be, it is necessary for me to create in order to stay sane (happy). I’m not sure if that make sense.

I spend so much of my time worrying about stupid things. I waste so much time on that. Worrying. I thought that my health problems would wake me up.  Shake me up. I thought that I’d have a Scrooge re-birth … I’d start seeing everything with rose coloured glasses … but that didn’t  happen.  (Well, maybe at first, but it didn’t last).

Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful …  I am.   I am so grateful. I am so lucky.

The problem is, I can’t help but think, “when will my luck run out?”

Having a mastectomy has not given me a new lease on life, it has kind of made me more afraid. I mean, they found it in both breasts, where else could it be lurking?    I am who I am, the same as before, a worrier.   I have not had any huge ah-ha moment during this huge life changing experience.   That makes me feel guilty and yucky, like I missed the point or I missed the life lesson within this whole ordeal.

My biggest challenge in life has always been to stay in the moment, to try to be present, and it still is. I can’t know the future, and that is probably good.  I will continue to create. I will continue to try to stay in the moment. I will continue to try not worry.  I will continue and I will  remind myself,  I GET TO continue.  That does make me feel happy …even if that feeling is fleeting.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

7 responses

  1. Amy Wooden

    You are awesome and perfect just as you are!

    All the best,

    Amy

    Sent from my iPhone

    January 22, 2016 at 7:52 pm

    • You are such a great supporter of me. Thanks so much Amy.

      January 27, 2016 at 4:28 pm

  2. Kim

    I admire your honesty so much, Thank you for being real. And for making beautiful things. (I’m kinda the same way struggling through some ugliness of my own, and find pleasure and sanity in creating beauty when there seems to be nothing but pain in the world).

    Lots of love to you and your work! Keep it coming! Kim Santini

    January 22, 2016 at 10:01 pm

    • Thank you, Kim. I appreciate you taking the time to comment here. It means so much.

      January 27, 2016 at 4:27 pm

  3. That’s been my experience too — facing and surviving cancer didn’t make me stronger; if anything I feel less capable of handling another calamity. Cancer most certainly didn’t make me a better person or leave me feeling more grateful. I don’t quite understand the people who say that. What I can tell you is that everything you’re feeling is normal and you’re wise to express it and put it out there. As time passes, cancer will dominate your thoughts less and less.

    January 25, 2016 at 1:44 pm

    • Thanks so much, Nancy. That means a lot to me.

      January 27, 2016 at 4:26 pm

  4. Magenta de Quinacridone

    I am a great fan of your paintings. And now, after reading your text, there are stronger than before…
    Thank you, all, for saying THE reality of the cancer.
    I think that the phrase allways heard : “She or he is “fighting against” a disease, etc” is a legend, a myth, invended by people in good health and afraid by disease. I can’t stand hearing that. That is a lie. It means that if you are not strong, it’s a shame, and this is your fault !!!! People sick only live and survive. Thank you again for the psycho reality !
    Have all a nice and sweet day !

    February 5, 2016 at 7:24 am

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