12″x16″ mixed media painting on wood. The sides are 1.5″ deep and are painted red. This painting will be in the upcoming online auction in March with Stephanie Gagos.
I think I may be trying to conjure up warm summer days, filled with peonies and butterflies, it has been so cold in the studio – the idea of floral scents and a warm breeze is very appealing. Yes, I continue to live vicariously through my art.
This month marks 10 years from when I decided that it was time to really go for it and make this ‘artist’ thing a reality. I had just turned 40 and I really felt the need to make some serious changes in my life.
I decided that I need to show up everyday in order to make that happen. Showing up meant going to the ‘drawing board’ everyday, no matter what, 15 minutes at least, EVERYDAY. Doing this started the wheels turning. The more I showed up, the more I wanted to show up. The more I thought about showing up, the more ideas I had about what I was going to do when I showed up. I painted what I knew, what was around me everyday, what inspired me; my children.
Ten years have passed. A decade. I turned 50 this week and I feel like I need to revisit my journey and perhaps make some changes in my life. Kick it up a notch. A lot has happened in those ten years. When I started, I was painting small art cards and selling them online. The more I sold, the more confidence I gained and the more I trusted myself – I was making the right choices, I could call myself an artist with out cringing. My girls have grown and are now 11 and 14, and my paintings have grown with them. Some parts of my life are easier (bedtime) some parts are harder (hormones, time management, taxes). What changes do I want to make? I don’t really know yet but I think now is a good time to look around and take stock. What is important to me? What direction do I want to go in? If I showed up in other areas of my life, could I make positive changes there too? I feel some growing pains, and I am not just talking about the top button on my jeans, no, I am feeling the need to reassess what it is that I want from this next decade.
This may mean making changes but I think that it also means looking back a little. I have been looking at my old sketchbooks and have been thinking about the directions that I didn’t take. Ideas that weren’t completely fleshed out or ones that have been forgotten. One thing that really stood out to me was the show I did for the gallery at The Paint Spot ages ago. The show was called ‘To Call Myself Beloved”, which was a line from a wonderful poem called Late Fragment by Raymond Carver. His words circled my brain for months ,they still mean so much to me, but I will be honest, I hadn’t read the poem for ages. So I will leave you with these wonderfully inspiring and meaningful words. They are everything.
And did you get what
you wanted from this life, even so?
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved, to feel myself
beloved on the earth.